I was brave right before I chickened out

So John Acuff was in town this past week to speak at a conference. If you don’t know who he is, you should look him up. I’ve been part of his 30 days of hustle Facebook group for about 6 months now and it’s really been cool to learn from him and the other hustlers in the group.

If his name sounds familiar but you aren’t sure he wrote a book and a blog called, “Stuff Christians Like”. He’s also written several other books. “Do over” is his latest and I’ve got a pre-order copy, and it’s fantastic. You can still pre-order your copy, which comes with bonus gifts at acuff.me but don’t wait cause I think monday is the last day you can order and get the perks.

Anyway, He was in town to speak at some conference so he posted on his twitter that he was going to be in Phoenix and that people should come eat barbecue and hang out… so I did.

He actually wrote about it on his blog and posted a picture of me… Okay It’s a group shot with everybody but you can see my head in the back if you zoom in.

The evite, was a bit shady and I didn’t know for sure how many people would be there, or if I would even fit in. I was slightly terrified that it was a meeting for professional speakers and authors and I would be a very small fish in a very big pond but I took the small step of courage and went anyway.

(PS Gilbert is not the same as Phoenix @JonAcuff)

Anyway, there were about 50 people there so it was small enough that you could meet people and network a little bit. I met a really awesome entrepreneur that I’m hopefully going to feature soon when I launch #InterviewingAwesome. More about that below.

I also got to meet John, which was a whole new level of cool. I don’t usually get super excited to meet authors or famous people. But Jon’s excitement rubbed off on me. He is excited about what he’s doing and he’s telling people about it.

He only spoke for about 15 minutes and just shared some things that he’s been working on but then he asked people to stand up and say their name and what they are hustling on. It was really cool.

I “didn’t get a chance” to share my hustle at Joes Real Barbecue in Gilbert, which is code for “I chickened out” so I’m going to take the chance here.

My name is Andrew and I am a Business Owner. I’m working at a church right now, and I love it, but I’m also starting a business on the side.

The business is called Novel Consulting and though we have tons of plans for where we want to go, our focus right now is story driven life coaching. We believe that all people have and are a story but we also understand that the way you tell that story shapes the way the world sees you and more importantly, the way that you see you.

We just got our first client this week, which is super exciting and I’m frieking pumped.

I’m also a blogger and an author. My blog is actually pretty good. I don’t say that to pat myself on the back but more to say that I’m really proud of the work that I’ve done on it. I mean I enjoy reading it, so I hope other people enjoy it too but I write just as much for me as for the people reading it.

Right now I’m really excited about a series of blogs that I’m calling Interviewing Awesome. The basic idea, is that I am going to pick people that I find inspiring and interview them, ask them about their life and their business. My hope is that the interviews with inspiring people will not only encourage my readers but give me a chance to support awesome people as they work towards their awesome goals. Win! Win! Win!! I already have one interview that is done and scheduled to post on Friday the 10th so check back then to meet Ashley Frank, but I have two more interviews that are in the works and my goal is to do at least one a month. Hopefully more.

I’m also currently working on a book. I’ve had a dream to write a book since High School and it’s finally happening.

The book idea, at least right now, is “mentorship made easy”. My idea is to write something that will give an average person the tools and inspiration to either find or become a mentor. Ideally, both.

Whew! Okay those are my goals. They are now out there. Read Jon’s blog so that you can hear him explain how important voicing your goals is. The hardest part of bravery is not doing something brave. It’s telling people that you did something brave.

Let me know in the coments what you are doing that is brave. Who knows, maybe I’ll be Interviewing your Awesome soon.

2 fitness secrets that my 4 year old taught me

The other day I was working out from home and my 4 going on 15 year old daughter, Zoe, was watching me. (I’ve got one of those cool sets of dumbbells that allow you to adjust the weight. You know the kind, and you know you’re jealous)

After a particularly difficult set, Zoe looked at me with that questioning look on her face and said, “Um… Daddy?” “Why do you keep… like… stopping?”

Part of me was instantly offended. “I stopped cause it’s heavy! You try curling 10 pounds! PER HAND!”

After I got over my initial hurt feelings, I tried to explain.

(Side Note: Yes my four year old sometimes hurts my feelings and no, your judgment doesn’t help.)

I told Zoe that sometimes we have to take breaks. As I tried and failed to explaine this concept it became apparent to me that the idea of rest was foreign to my 4 year old. She has unlimited energy and she never gets tired, especially at bed time. When she wants something, she throws everything she’s got at it; physically, emotionally, and mentally. No holds barred, no barbie left undressed!

This is great when it comes to learning new things. She attacks new problems with vigor and determination. Mind, body, spirit: every part of her is in it.

There are two things that I learned from my daughter that day about fitness.

1) When you are going… GO! Her total dedication is inspiring. She doesn’t do anything half way, and we could all learn from that. Though her passion is less than pleasant when she wants to stay up after bedtime there is something to be said for her all or nothing approach. Her whole being fights rest! She physically squirms, emotionally breaks down and cries, and mentally plans the perfect time to remember that she needs a glass of water. It’s poetry in motion… constant motion.

But it’s not all gogurt and apple juice for my determined little girl.

2) Her energy runs out, and when it does, she crashes… hard. Don’t believe me… Check out this video of her falling asleep trying to eat a cupcake.

Zoe taught me two things about fitness but that video should have taught you two things about life. First, my daughter is hands down, way cuter than yours and it wasn’t even close.

Second, WE ALL NEED REST!

The reality of life is that we can’t go forever. Nobody has unlimited amounts of energy and everybody eventually runs out. When kids run out, it’s cute and they drop their cupcakes, but when you and I run out, we drop our kids, we get sued by CPS, we lose our job, spidermonkeys take over the world, and bananas start getting traded on the stock exchange. Don’t let bananas be traded on the stock exchange. Learn how to rest.

The problems that you and I face are a bit more complicated than those that Zoe faces, as are the goals that we’ve set for ourselves. For us, rest is vital and it has to be planned.

When a kid misses a nap, bad stuff happens. Ask any young parent. When you fail to rest, worse stuff happens. Ask your kids. Ask your spouse.

You will burn out if you go balls to the wall 24/7. You need to take breaks.

This is true in fitness, but it’s also true in business and personal life. We need to rest.

Now, just like anything in life, balance is important. If we rest too much we become lazy, If we work too hard for too long, we get burnt out.

But for a lot of us, rest has become very ineffective. We make it to the weekend but are no less rejuvinated come monday morning. We go on vacation only to come back more exhausted than when we left. We sit and watch TV while we think about work and call that “rest”.

IT’S NOT!

Rest is not a passive action. At the gym, in between sets, I don’t sit and stare at the wall, I focus on breathing and stretch the muscles that I just worked so they will be ready for the next set. Rest is active.

Rest involves actively turning work off but that’s only the first step. After we actively turn work OFF we have to actively turn rest ON. Rest is actively focusing on family or a good book or a great movie. If our mind is consumed with these things, there is no room for work or stress.

The unique ability to shut off one part of your brain and turn on another, is not a skill that you will learn overnight. It will take some time and some patience, but as you train your mind, much like you train your body, your ability to turn off and/or turn on different parts of your brain will grow. This will allow you to actually rest.

What do you do, to actively rest from work? Maybe you read, maybe you write, take your kid to the park, eat gelato and sip wine at a coffee shop called ground control? (okay that last one is mine.)

Let me know in the comments below and don’t forget to like, subscribe and check back on Friday.

What Poems and People have in common

I mentioned in a post titled “I wish I could hate you” that I like poetry but dislike poems. When I first wrote that, it served as a moment of self-discovery. Part of me has always known this truth about myself, but writing it was like discovering it for the first time. It made it real.

Admitting to not liking poems is kind of like admitting that you don’t like dogs. Side note: I don’t like dogs, not even when they are puppies. I know what you’re thinking but I’m not a cat person either and dislike cats even more than I dislike dogs. I don’t like chocolate ice cream either. Now that you are all enraged and confused, let’s talk about poetry.

Why do I like poetry? Well I think it’s because I like things that fit. Things that tie up or reconnect well. Things that flow smoothly and then abruptly stop… only to pick back up again.

I like the poetry of life and the poetry of art. I like the poetry of a great movie or a song that’s particularly touching, but it’s only on rare occasions that I actually appreciate the poetry of poems.

Why do I not like poems? The majority of poems that I have read seem superficial and vapid. I struggle to connect with them because many of them are void of context.

Don’t hear what I’m not saying. There are some poems that I really love but I have to search hard to find a poem that makes an impact on my emotional psyche.

It is difficult, at least for me, to derive meaning outside of relationship and outside of story. Reading poems outside of their authors context, places the burden of meaning on me and I don’t want that responsibility. Many readers enjoy this burden because the poem inspires them to be creative and then they can manipulate the poem to mean whatever they need it to mean, but I hate it.

I want to know what the author meant. I want to know who he or she is and how they felt writing their poem. I’ve found that when I do know the author, or at least something about the author, my enjoyment of their poetry is dramaticly increased.

As I think about my relationship to poems, I can’t help but draw a connection to my relationship with strangers.

When I read a poem but don’t know the author, the poem becomes a fairly meaningless collection of consonants and vowels that struggle to make up words.

Similarly when I meet a stranger, but don’t know their story, they become just a body. A collection of arms and legs that have the appearance of life but, at least to me, have not become a person yet. A body, void of personality and story, is just a body. It’s just flesh. Easily objectified, judged, or ignored. But add a back story, a personality, a sense of humor, and what was just a body or collection of words becomes a PERSON, becomes poetry.

It is a struggle to make the shift from seeing people as a just bodies. It requires that we transcend the physical and look to the emotional and spiritual, and that has always been difficult for me. I’m clearly not the only one either. Superficial objectification and judgment are not just my problems. They are our society’s problems.

It’s much easier to judge a book by its cover than it is to read the book and then review and interact with its content. It’s easier to make assumptions based on a person’s clothing than it is to take the time to get to know their character. It is much simpler to see stature than story, boobs than brains but I’m not satisfied seeing people this way and so I am working to push past the physical in order to connect on emotional and even spiritual levels.

I’m not perfect so I welcome ideas from any of you that have struggled with this. I will say that the thing that has helped me the most recently is to notice a person’s eyes.

It’s been said that, “The eyes are the window to the soul” and so it is only natural that the eyes become the road that we travel on the journey from body to soul.

Eyes are emotional body parts. They are first physical and therefore part of noticing the way someone looks but they also express and show the emotional side of a person. Looking into a person’s eyes helps me transition from noticing their body to noticing their soul.

When I remember to notice a stranger’s eyes, it becomes much easier for me to connect with them and have conversations deeper than small talk about the weather.

What things help you connect to people and see them as more than just a collection of body parts?

The EPIC Epiphany

How to actually let go and move on

This post is part 2 of “I wish I could hate you”. If you missed that post you can find it here.

There’s an old proverb that says “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.

This proverb was, I’m assuming, designed to help minimize risk. I can see it being advantageous in military or business endeavors. Maybe even in sports. In those situations knowledge of your enemy or competition is key. It makes sense to say that having an enemy you know, is better than having and enemy that you don’t know.

I thought the phrase was interesting, and I’m a nerd so I spent some time trying to find the origin of the phrase and something kidna sad emerged. Like any old phrase it has been misquoted and distorted over time but the most common modification that I found completely changed the entire meaning of the phrase.

The most common misquotation goes something like this: “Better to have something bad but known, than something (that could turn out to be good) but is (currently) unknown.” How sad is that.

We’d rather settle for familiar garbage than pursue spectacular dreams.

Our fear of the unknown imprisons us to the negative impact of the known.

When we hold on to things, ideas, or people; what we are actually doing is giving those things control in our life. We are telling those things that they get to decide the scope and range of our options.

So what would happen in your life if you let go of the devil you knew and pursued the angel that you didn’t?

Maybe your devil is a person but maybe it’s just the idea of a person that you can’t seem to shake. Maybe your devil is a job that you have but don’t like. Maybe it’s the car that you’re driving that keeps breaking down. Maybe it’s the gym that you go to but always leave feeling crappy after working out with a bunch of muscle-bound meat heads surrounded by botoxed-Barbie dolls.

(I hate gyms but kind of like alliteration, can you tell?)

Whatever you’re devil is, it’s time to let go.

Here’s one way to start. Take out a piece of paper and write down your devil on that page up at the top. Once you’ve done that make a list of things that YOU can do to let go of, and remove that devil from your life. Notice that I capitalized YOU. The only person that can make a change is you.

Often we think of letting go as a passive action but that is why we never ACTIVELY let go. Letting go is an action and we must act in order for the action to take place. Your fingers and arms (and probably your mind and emotions) must move away from the object that you are holding and then in many cases they must actively push that thing away.

Now, Listen closely because this is where people mess up. (Ask me how I know.)

Once our hands have done the action of letting go, we leave them open and they just kind of sit there. But unlike objects at rest that tend to stay at rest, hands that open tend to close. If we don’t push away the devil and then close our hand around something that is positive, our hands get bored and tend to reach back out and pick up the very thing that we set out to let go of.

The best way that I have found to successfully let go of devils (aka addictions or vises) is to fill my hands back up once I’ve emptied them with positive habits.

Don’t just let go of laziness, grab on to a day planner. Don’t just let go of a bad relationship, fill your life with positive ones. Don’t just let go of an addiction, build positive habits.

I’d love to hear about the devils that you are letting go of but what is more important is the angels that you are picking up. Let me know in the comments.

What should my consequences be?

So I want to start posting twice a week but I’m scared to death that I won’t be able to keep up.

I’ve learned though that there are three things that I have to do in order to make a goal happen. 1) Set a goal 2) Tell everybody and 3) Set Consequences.

The Goal has been set. And now I’ve told everybody. All I need now is consequences. Comment with your ideas.

That being said, I want to make this blog a thing, and everything I read is telling me that great content, created and published often, is the biggest step you can take toward building your “tribe”. So I’m gonna quit being scared, and start peeing into the wind.

Be patient with me as I get the hang of it. Know that, for sure I’ll post every Tuesday morning, but check back on Fridays as well. I’m trying to think of a manageable way to keep Friday’s interesting.

I may pick an inspiring quote each Friday and discuss what I think it means.

Maybe friday can be more of a journal/update from Andrew day. I’d like to do a better job of keeping track of my goals. This might be a fun place to do that. I’m sure that as the blog grows, Friday’s will evolve.

For today, I’ll leave you with this quote. It’s from “The Making of a Martial Artist” by Sang Kyu Shim:

“To have changed often is to have lived much”

Have a fantastice, change filled weekend everybody!

See you on Tuesday.

I Wish I Could Hate You

I love poetry but don’t really like many poems. More on that later.

I did go through a poem writing phase in high school though. Who didn’t?

Most of them are garbage but I ran across one today while going through an old file that isn’t half bad.

It was inspired, like all good High School poetry is, by a girl who broke my heart.

Wish

I wish I could hate you, You broke my heart
I wish I could be mad at you
For ripping my world apart
I wish I could ignore you, Forget you existed
I wish that it wasn’t but it is
And I’m pissed
I wish I could hate you, But I can’t let go inside
I wish I could run away
Bring my pride, leave your side

I hate that I can’t hate you, I want to so bad
I hate that I can’t forget you
Can’t get you out of my head
I hate that I can’t give up on you, My dumb ass keeps trying
I hate these damn tears
But here I am crying
I hate settling for non-answers, I just want to know
I hate that I don’t hate you
and that I can’t let you go

I struggled to move on from that heart break for a long time. Mostly because it’s hard to process getting your heart broken, especially for the first time, but a lot because I just couldn’t let go. Not being able to let go really hindered my ability to move on and grow as a person.

Looking back at my life I can unfortunately see a bit of a pattern. Holding on to things that should be let go of is a problem for me, and I think it’s a problem for most people.

Think about it. We stay in abusive relationships. We keep our closets stocked with clothes that don’t fit us and aren’t in style. We look back and try incessantly to “re-live the glory days”. We keep insane amounts of clutter. We feed our habits and addictions when we know that feeding them only further imprisons us.

Why do we do this?

I think that one of the main reasons is fear. Fear of change, or fear of the unknown.

(Check out this post that I wrote about facing fears titled “Pee into the Wind”.)

While fear is a huge part of why we don’t let go, I think that it goes deeper.

The mistake that I’ve made for much of my life is that I try to diagnose myself logically when I should diagnose myself emotionally.

It didn’t make logical sense for me to still be in love with a girl that had led me on and then broken my heart, but it made perfect sense emotionally. I was in love.

With hindsight being 20/20 and then adding what I hope is a bit of maturity, I can say that I was really only inlove with the idea of her. But that idea was a happy, pretty, emotionally awesome thing to be in love with. I didn’t want to let that go.

Now some things, are worth being held on to, but maybe today would be a good time to evaluate your life and ask yourself, “Am I holding on to something that is keeping me from achieving my goals?”

Maybe you are holding on to an overly idealized self-image, or a subconscious value that you no longer actually hold. Maybe like High School Andrew, you are holding on to the idea of someone else and that ideal is making it harder for you to know them as they actually are.

Let me know what things you are holding on to in the comments and check back next week for a post all about how to actually let go.

PEE INTO THE WIND!

I’ve always been a huge fan of the TV show “Friends”. I know that it’s not technically the most wholesome, or intelectually stimulating show, but I just love it.

In one particular episode, the One With the Metaphorical Tunnel, Joey is giving Chandler relationship advice. (I actually cringed a little bit as I typed that last sentence.)

Chandler is scared to take a step of intimacy with a girl. He’s afraid of the metephorical tunnel of commitment and what might be on the other side. Commitment, emotional intimacy, love. Joey’s advice is to, “Face your fear.”

“Go for it man! Jump off the high dive! Stare down the barrel of the gun… Pee into the wind!” Chandler’s response is priceless.

“Ya Joe, I assure you, if I’m staring down the barrel of a gun I’m gonna be pretty much peeing every which way.”

It’s a goofy scene from a show with very little redemptive value but I think there is some truth to Joey’s advice. Often times the single thing that keeps us from achieving our goals… is fear.

Maybe it’s fear of rejection or failure. Maybe it’s fear of change or fear that we wont get the support we need or make enough money pursuing our passion, but it’s fear. Plain and simple.

I want to challenge you to look at your goals for the year and identify what fears might be holding you back. Maybe your afraid that you wont actually make it to the gym 3 times a week. Maybe your afraid that you will fail, or that people wont like what you are working so hard to achieve. Maybe you are afraid of success and how that will change the status quo.

Maybe you’re just plain old afraid of change. Whatever it is, the first step is to identify the fear.

What’s the seccond step you ask?

PEE INTO THE WIND!!!!

So take the leap! Dive In! Stare down the barrel of the Gun! and Pee into the wind!

Face your fear and punch it right in the nose. Too often fear sneaks into our lives and wrecks our dreams before we even notice that it’s there. Don’t let that happen to you.

Identify your fear and then plot it’s demise. Plan out how you will systematically conquer whatever fear happens to get between you and your goals.

I’d love to hear any success stories of fears that have been faced. If you’ve got one that needs to be faced but you don’t know how. Comment below or PM me. I’d love to help.

Questioning the Questions?

I think that a person’s questions reveal way more about them than their answers.

Bruce Lee once said that, “A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.” I think he was on to something quite profound. Questions are extremely important. I would even go so far as to say that they are more important than the answers we end up with. Questions shape us. They are the foundation of everything that we do.

The things-that-we-are-curious-about show a different and deeper side of us than the things-that-we-are-sure-of.

Another thing that questions tend to do is provoke thought. Answers have a nasty tendency of discouraging thoughtfulness but questions almost demand it. Even simple question like “What do I want for lunch?”, demand that we look within ourselves to examine our own desires.

So take a moment to think about the questions that keep you up at night and then question those questions. If you ask questions about the future… what do they reveal about your heart. Does your curiosity lead you to ask questions about science, personal relationships, or the physics behind superman’s ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Whatever your questions are, I bet they reveal something about you that makes you unique.

So what types of questions do you ask, and what do your questions say about you?

Dear Daughter, If I could teach you just 25 things before you leave home

I am the proud father of a 4 and a half year old teenager. It wasn’t that long ago that I was changing diapers and warming bottles, and it won’t be that long before I’m filling out FAFSA’s and buying dorm furniture. Just typing that last sentence kinda scared the crap out of me. So here is a list of random things that I want to teach my daughter before that time comes. It’s obviously not a comprehensive list and it’s not in any particular order but it’s a start.

Dear Daughter,

If I could teach you just 25 things before you leave home, it would probably be a different list than this, but these are the things that come to my mind as I write so here we go. Actually, before I even get to that let me remind you that just because you leave doesn’t mean you can’t come back… often. Okay now I’m ready… I think.

Failure is not an option, it’s a requirement. You’re going to fail and it’s going to break my heart but every story of victory starts with a story of defeat.
Ask more questions than you answer.
Music will make it better but when necessary… music and ice cream.
Be Feminine and be strong. Those two are not contradictory.
Live passionately. Life’s too short to spend your time being bored.
Don’t give your heart to a man who doesn’t take care of his own.
Spend less money than you make and never finance toys.
Love generously, but smartly.
Never stop, stopping to smell the flowers.
Believe in Magic.
Intelligent women are sexy, loose the diets and find a good book.
Smile a lot. Your smile is like a warm bed and the cool side of the pillow.
Love is about keeping promises.
Family can often be found outside the confines of a picket fenced house with a mom, dad, 2 kids, and a goldfish.
Saving should be a priority. Occasional splurging should be up there on the list too.
Life is not always black and white. Learn to embrace the grey and live in the tension. It will make you more compassionate.
Journal often. It’ll untie the knots in your mind.
Be brave. Life is tough but if anybody can handle it, it’s you.
No matter what, you will always be my beautiful little girl.
Please don’t ever date a guy that would hurt you. I don’t think I’d do well in prison.
Leave work at work but take family wherever you go.
Find good mentors. They can help you avoid life’s potholes but they are also good at pulling you out when you step in one.
It’s okay to get Angry at God. He can take it.
I have loved you longer than any boy ever will.

And Maybe most importantly…

Please never stop giving me kisses. They reorganize my soul.

I love you all kinds of bunches,

Daddy

P.S. Neither of us will ever be too old for you to call me “Daddy”.

Andrew Linderer